yeah that’s right, Lincolnshire … you suck! And I shall tell yee all why …

On Saturday the 24th of November (also the date me and Adam got together!) a stupid drunk man tried to freak me out by attempting to break into my heavily guarded fortress! Well he could have been stoned instead of drunk but we don’t know and who gives a toss anyway because MY HOUSE WAS ATTACKED! yeah!

Kirsty had been at ours and only me and her had been downstairs when he knocked the first time … big mistake ASSHOLE! I told him to go away which he apparently did but did not see him on the street, but presumed he had gone that way. Kirsty then left, I luckily locked the front door and headed upstairs to my boudoir. I told my Northern housemate Amy not to open the door if anyone knocked when what happened … yeah, the creep came back! He had been hiding in our back garden the whole time and could see me and Kirsty through my kitchen window because our landlord Super Dave couldn’t be arsed to buy blinds! He had obv seen her leave and thought I was in the house on my own!

He hammered on the windows and the front door, tried the handle and looked and listened through the frosted glass … I know I’m good damn sexy mate but join the queue aye, honestly! I was shit scared as you could imagine so I rang the police.

Now I imagine most people would dile 999 in an emergency or if the crime was happening so thats what I did, but they made me ring Lincoln Police Station. Wow they were about as helpful as hiring a fitness expert and ending up paying for Rik Waller. They took my details, said they would send someone out and that I should just sit tight. I waited till 3am and the bastards still didn’t show. Luckily the guy went in the end but when I rang back to have a go at them they said i reported 40 minutes AFTER the incident (actually i specifically said he was there at the front door 2 minutes ago) and that I reported as someone suspicous on the street! Erm … NO I FUCKING DIDN’T BELL-ENDS! So they sent someone round the evening after - yeah thats well helpful cheers – and said they are reviewing the tape … im still waiting for that call back!

What made me laugh is I rang next door to tell them not to go outside cos of what was going on and apart from Kirsty who obviously knew no one actually bothered to ask me if i was actually ok! was only my who lives 3 hours away who actually offered to come and check I was ok!

So a HUGE thank you to everyone in your help there, especially Lincoln Police, gee maybe next time if someone actually breaks in, rapes me and stabs me you might actually be willing to get off your arses to come and see what’s happening … twats!

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