People have always told me that I’m special (though I think they mean in the retarded “special” way). I knew I was destined for big things from an early age. My surname (Kemzura) is a pretty unusual one and so I always used to make jokes with my friends about the fact I should be a Hollywood actress. However, I unfortunatly grew too fat during high school to meet the high demand for gorgeous looking actresses in the US (although the majority of them can’t actually act!) and so I had to give up my dream of my life in lights …. however I actually never wanted that and I’ve always wanted to be a primary school teacher. But you know, whatever!

Anyway recently after joking with my Adam about the fact my life should be made into a film my mind began to wonder. What if I did a home movie and got all of the important people in my life to star in and some random people to make up the parts of the irrelevant people that have had some part in my life so far. Hell, even if I got a massive budget from my close friend Steven Spielberg I could get some actual actors to play people. John Nettles would obviously star as my father (“there’s been another murder Troy!”), Pauline Quirk from Birds of a Feather as my mother, Matt Lucas aka Vikki Pollard as my younger teenage sister, Johnny Depp as Adam (well I find him just as sexy … as Adam of course!) and Keira Knightly as me … well a girl can dream can’t she.

 And as I’m a very musical person and can create song from any situation I thought why not create a musical?! I’m sure I could rope Andrew Lloyd Webber in (well he’s stooped really now with a bit part in Hollyoaks so hes in no position really is he?!) and together we could write one killer soundtrack with John Williams conducting the orchestra.

 So in the near future once school placement is over I shall be holding auditions and talks with my reps. If you wana apply you need to get in touch with my PR but as I’m a very selective person and difficult to please (things annoy me a lot) you will need to work hard to get the number yourselves!

Closing dates are to be decided! Best of luck wanabe mes!

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