I hate hormones so much! They like to creep up on you after weeks of not really having any major emotional problems. I have discovered there are several stages to this hormonal lark and I think I’ve got through most of them in one night.

Stage 1 – General Annoyance

You know the feeling; someones eating a packet of crisps with their mouth wide open, someones got their music blaring while you’re trying to listen to your iPod etc. That was exactly what happened on the way to Lincoln today when my parents took me back to my shit hole of a student house for the last 7 weeks of my second year of . The whole way back I was praying that someone would shout at my dad to shut his mouth while he eats.

Stage 2 – Contemplation and reflection of your life

You imagine what you would be like as a mother and then your mind starts to wander off into some la la land that probably won’t ever happen or get anywhere nearly possible to happen. You have got the kids running around in the garden, you and your husband (preferably Adam I hasten to add) are sitting there drinking tea smiling and waving at your blissfully happy kids are running around the flower beds and your pet dog is wagging its tail (I want a cat so I don’t know why I imagined a dog).

Stage 3 – “I miss him!”

You get all upset (more than usual) about the fact that you are over 3 hours away from your (by car … unless you’re Superman and then ’s less). You sit and cry into your newly  hand stitched patchwork quilted blanket given to you as a birthday present by your housemates mother. You already have the world’s WORST cold annd you have made your way through two boxes of tissues but because you are crying like an uncontrollable mess you have started on the toilet roll aswell …. I think not wanting to come back to Lincoln so badly also contributed towards this!

Stage 4 – I want to eat anything and everything

You become so hungry that nothing will crave your hunger. You want Marmite which you got really bad cravings for just 4 weeks ago and now you can’t stand the taste of . You really fancy Chicken Noodle Soup but as soon as you taste you think is possibly the most foulest food ever given to man kind. You really want to go get some chocolate covered donoughts from Tescos but ’s starting to snow outside, you are halfway to catching pnemonia and you already are feeling pretty shite about your weight gain. Not a good idea …

Stage 5 – Slight Happiness

You talk to your on the phone and cheers you up for the 3 minutes you are on the phone. Even though ’s not a deep and meaningful conversation like you would like will do. He tells you he will call you later that night … you cheer up even more and tell him you will be waiting for his call …

Stage 6 – Help! I’m bored!

There’s nothing on the TV, you have nothing to do. You’re parents have left you on your own to fend for yourself, the weather is plain nasty and your friends are all unavailable … hmmm life looks good!

Stage 7 – The Anger kicks in

gets to 9:30pm and your hasn’t called you yet. You don’t want to call him because why should you? He said he would call you and you call him all the time; you don’t want to seem too clingy. Still though you’re fed up that he has forgotten so you text him. Yep. He is in the pub. He has totally forgotten and is oblivious to the fact that you have just spent the last 2 hours staring at the phone because you are desperate for him to ring you and just tell you how much he misses you.

Stage 8 – You’re just fed up with everything

You  hate being where you are, you know where you want to be but you can’t. You don’t have any thing to do or any purpose as to why you are here right now. You are annoyed at yourself for crying in your bedroom at 10:20pm when your housemates gone to bed. You just feel so ill and annoyed that you can’t swallow a Sudafed to try and get better. You’re jealous that your ’s out having a better night than you and you just want to give him a cuddle. And you don’t want to tell him how you have been feeling for the last 22 hours because he will think you are an absolute twat.

So yes … being a girl totally sucks. And now I’m going to sit up till 1 in the morning because I won’t be able to sleep with this cold, I want to talk to Adam and I know tommorow I will still not want to be here.

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