Well, my second year has drawn to a close and so I returned to normal suburban life in Essex at my parents home expecting everything to be as I had left . ’s funny how things change so quickly in such a short space of time.The job I had returned to and had been guarenteed a place at after signing a contract screwed me over after 3 years of loyal service (admitiddly not continuous due to ) which irritated me and so a frantic search for a new job began. My helped me through supporting me and reassuring me that I will find something but I still felt incredibly down about .I felt like the world had some sort of conspiracy against me actually being happy. No one in my family asked me how I felt about losing my job. I felt so incredibly pathetic having to beg for a job. I was even willing to clean toilets or do other degrading just so I could have some to pay the bills. And the fact that I was 20 really didn’t help. Everyone kind of looked at me as if to say “hey, shouldn’t you have a real job by now at your age?” and I felt so cheated. To put the final nail in the coffin was the fact that I went to a temping agency in my town asking if I could give them my CV and see if they could get me any temporary . Instead I was greeted by some spotty little chavvy cow sitting behind the desk who you could blatantly tell smoked heavily and had 3 kids and several joy rididng boyfriends who looked me up and down in my suit with an upmost look of disgust and then spat “We only hire attractive looking people”. Now I know I’m no Keira Knightly or Scarlet Johansson but I’m not an ugly person. Yeah I have my fat days and my hair isn’t perfect and I have a tiny¬† almost microscopic scar above my lip from an accident when I was younger … but knock me while I am down! My quite gentlemanly tried to defend my honour but I still just felt so crap!

I was paying so much to do something I loved and the world just didn’t want to know! I thought that with the course I was doing would be a positive reflection on me as a person; showing that I was a reliable and caring person who actually had two brain cells to rub together. But Essex just simply does not want to know anymore! seems the only way you can get by around here is if you are a builder, a nail “”/hair dresser, or work for the council!

Luckily in the end I did get a job. isn’t that glamorous and the pay is almost a pound less an hour than I used to get but pays the bills and only had to last me out this summer and possibly Christmas time. Plus there is an opportunity for me to earn tips (though usually not that many!).

However there have been other highlights to my summer that I have enjoyed greatly. There was the holiday I had with my in early June which was gorgeous and such a lovely time and I really missed being around him for ages afterwards. Due to the fact we live so far apart (with me in Lincolnshire during term time and Essex in holidays and him living in Hertfordshire permanantly) any moments we do get together are precious and when you are used to spending weekends together a couple of times a month and suddenly you spend 9 whole days together, sleeping in the same bed, eating together and going out and then thats taken away as soon as you return home becomes really hard. As a result I have found the last 2 weeks without him almost unbearable and was so happy when I got to see him on the weekend just gone.

However, on the holiday me and my got talking and I realised I’m not totally alone with my problems about an occupation. I suddenly realised how lucky I was to have a goal I am aiming to and an absolute certainty of what I want to do and achieve. My parents constantly joke about how I will have to financially support my but that really doesn’t bother me. In the past would have but doesn’t anymore. I think my traditional views on the male and female roles in life are changing to a more modern outlook of how society and relationships functions. And the more I think about the more I learn.

Maybe my lecturer was righth; you never do stop learning … and I hope I never do!

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