Secret Diaries…..

whats behind the wrapper?

Don’t worry, this is not an invitation for a free romp! During the last few months I’ve become slightly more let’s say “un-lady like” and I have now decided starting from Monday the 3rd of November to become more feminine to recapture the romance of my relationship (not that has really gone, but I’m sure my does not appreciate the suttle smells of cabbage and carrots being belched at him in the early hours!). continue reading…

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Well is coming up to the final year of my university degree and I’m looking forward to those ever alluring QTS Skills tests. Wow; what a load of crap I have to honestly say. I would love to know why the Numeracy one is pitched at the intellectual level of someone who took Maths as an actual degree and then have done their masters in , wheras the Literacy and ICT are so basic I want to cry. I want to know why there is no equilibrium between the three tests. Surely as the government keeps crying out for more and more teachers, they shouldn’t be setting tests with questions with the most ridiculous time limit on them to scare those of us who have trained and worked hard for at least 3 years away from . continue reading…

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To file a legal suit against my boss and chef for environmental health issues and sexual harrasment or not … that is the question! continue reading…

God this whole being home for the summer business really does get on my tits I can tell you! Firstly you get screwed over by your previous employers, then you get a job that pays poo and then you have the general public coming in talking to you like some sort of dog shit they have just scraped off their shoes because you are a waitress. Never mind the fact that I have now nearly completed my university degree (how many of them managed to get that far in their lives? Sitting in Wimpy having the same meal every day constitutes in my book as an incredibly dull and pathetically boring lived life! continue reading…

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Well, my second year has drawn to a close and so I returned to normal suburban life in Essex at my parents home expecting everything to be as I had left . ’s funny how things change so quickly in such a short space of time.The job I had returned to and had been guarenteed a place at after signing a contract screwed me over after 3 years of loyal service (admitiddly not continuous due to university) which irritated me and so a frantic search for a new job began. My helped me through supporting me and reassuring me that I will find something but I still felt incredibly down about . continue reading…

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Well I got stuck with 55%. What a totally crap score! I had been waiting for a week for my result back from my tutor of my penultimate for my second year at university. I knew I had to get 40% to pass but I had been reassured I was fine. People kept singing my praises telling me how well I had done, how they were so impressed with my ability to actually control the children and earn their respect, to listen to feedback and advice and use constructivley in my approach to and how I had established a good teacher present. I had even felt a lot better about myself this time. I felt in control. I was the teacher and that was my class. Last placement I had felt like I had been hearded like a stray sheep back to its flock by some lasoo brandashing cowboy and I had no clue what I was doing, no urge to teach my way and no understanding of how the classroom functions on a day to day basis.

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Yes my children! The time has come for me to share my new found wisdom and knowledge of university … specifically for girls. So enjoy! continue reading…

I have begun to write my story as I go through university to reach my career so from time to time I will be posting extracts from my story onto this site. I hope you enjoy :-) !

This book is dedicated to my darling Adam who reminded me of the joy one can get from writing, to my family who encouraged me to follow my deepest, darkest dreams and the friends who I have made along the journey!

- x -

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’s an age old thing love isn’t . People have always wanted to understand the science behind . People have written songs, stories and films about . People have fought for . People have died for . And Rik Waller is still looking for … well thats excluding his love of food!

I mean, how does happen? You don’t plan , just happens but is never the same for different people. People claim you can’t help who you fall in love with but surely there must b a subconscious trigger deep inside that tells you that you are deeply attracted to someone. And how does an attraction for someone differ from the feelings of love?

I know that my experience is not entirely reflective of others and may not be identicle of my partners also. is unlikley that we fell in love with each other at exactly the same second. There was no candlelit dinner, no bouquet of red roses, no cherubs and angels singing or slow motion walk towards me across a crowded room. was real which I think some people are shocked by when they do discover that they are in fact in love. Some people learn to  love one another, other times you just know like I did in my case but people can be so judgemental. You get the typical “Aren’t you too young?”, “You don’t know each other that well”, “’s too soon” etc.

The answer is simply “no”. Only you can know when is right and if you misjudge then you can learn a valuable lesson on the journey of life. Although I have always wanted to understand how love occurs I no longer feel the need as I am content with just having !

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I hate hormones so much! They like to creep up on you after weeks of not really having any major emotional problems. I have discovered there are several stages to this hormonal lark and I think I’ve got through most of them in one night.

Stage 1 – General Annoyance

You know the feeling; someones eating a packet of crisps with their mouth wide open, someones got their music blaring while you’re trying to listen to your iPod etc. That was exactly what happened on the way to Lincoln today when my parents took me back to my shit hole of a student house for the last 7 weeks of my second year of university. The whole way back I was praying that someone would shout at my dad to shut his mouth while he eats.

Stage 2 – Contemplation and reflection of your life

You imagine what you would be like as a mother and then your mind starts to wander off into some la la land that probably won’t ever happen or get anywhere nearly possible to happen. You have got the kids running around in the garden, you and your husband (preferably Adam I hasten to add) are sitting there drinking tea smiling and waving at your blissfully happy kids are running around the flower beds and your pet dog is wagging its tail (I want a cat so I don’t know why I imagined a dog).

Stage 3 – “I miss him!”

You get all upset (more than usual) about the fact that you are over 3 hours away from your (by car … unless you’re Superman and then ’s less). You sit and cry into your newly  hand stitched patchwork quilted blanket given to you as a birthday present by your housemates mother. You already have the world’s WORST cold annd you have made your way through two boxes of tissues but because you are crying like an uncontrollable mess you have started on the toilet roll aswell …. I think not wanting to come back to Lincoln so badly also contributed towards this!

Stage 4 – I want to eat anything and everything

You become so hungry that nothing will crave your hunger. You want Marmite which you got really bad cravings for just 4 weeks ago and now you can’t stand the taste of . You really fancy Chicken Noodle Soup but as soon as you taste you think is possibly the most foulest food ever given to man kind. You really want to go get some chocolate covered donoughts from Tescos but ’s starting to snow outside, you are halfway to catching pnemonia and you already are feeling pretty shite about your weight gain. Not a good idea …

Stage 5 – Slight Happiness

You talk to your on the phone and cheers you up for the 3 minutes you are on the phone. Even though ’s not a deep and meaningful conversation like you would like will do. He tells you he will call you later that night … you cheer up even more and tell him you will be waiting for his call …

Stage 6 – Help! I’m bored!

There’s nothing on the TV, you have nothing to do. You’re parents have left you on your own to fend for yourself, the weather is plain nasty and your friends are all unavailable … hmmm life looks good!

Stage 7 – The Anger kicks in

gets to 9:30pm and your hasn’t called you yet. You don’t want to call him because why should you? He said he would call you and you call him all the time; you don’t want to seem too clingy. Still though you’re fed up that he has forgotten so you text him. Yep. He is in the pub. He has totally forgotten and is oblivious to the fact that you have just spent the last 2 hours staring at the phone because you are desperate for him to ring you and just tell you how much he misses you.

Stage 8 – You’re just fed up with everything

You  hate being where you are, you know where you want to be but you can’t. You don’t have any thing to do or any purpose as to why you are here right now. You are annoyed at yourself for crying in your bedroom at 10:20pm when your housemates gone to bed. You just feel so ill and annoyed that you can’t swallow a Sudafed to try and get better. You’re jealous that your ’s out having a better night than you and you just want to give him a cuddle. And you don’t want to tell him how you have been feeling for the last 22 hours because he will think you are an absolute twat.

So yes … being a girl totally sucks. And now I’m going to sit up till 1 in the morning because I won’t be able to sleep with this cold, I want to talk to Adam and I know tommorow I will still not want to be here.

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