Secret Diaries…..

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Ok ok ok, so ’s been a long time since I’ve been on here but oh my god so much has happened in that time.

Where do I begin? Well, as a result of the being ridiculous and sending me to a school which provided no support and then refused to listen when I said I wasn’t happy there I had to re-take the placement which I was fine with. Then there was a whole yo-yo situation about whether I would graduate or I wouldn’t. At first I was told I would graduate but obviously without the QTS (qualified teacher status) and could do the re-take after. That would have been brilliant. Then the next thing I know I’m in Lakeside shopping centre in the Easter holidays with my parents (so a very busy and not so private place) and I recieve a phone call telling me they cocked up and then I couldn’t graduate. Luckily I didn’t end crying down the phone or in the middle of the shopping mall like a total looney, but as soon as I got in the car was worse than an Oscar’s acceptance speech.

Months went by and I didn’t hear a thing from the about what was happening and imaginably I became very cross. In fact so cross that my friends kept telling me to make public about how the were letting me down and cutting me adrift after they stole all my . That’s not really my style so I just threatened the and explained that if I did not hear anything within quite a reasonable time frame I would be seeking legal advice. This seemed to have the right affect because within an hour I had a response from one of the people I had contacted attempting to shift the blame from themselves onto someone else. And so I ended up chasing several members of staff all over the place trying to get someone to give me an answer. Eventually after much arguing with the and refusing to budge outside of their offices (a total of 156 hours was spent camping outside the door waiting for someone to talk to me) I was placed at a really lovely school in South Lincolnshire and the tutor in charge pulled out all the stops by putting me with a lovely class teacher and arranging daily transport to and from work in a selection of very nice cars (a Rolls Royce on the first day seemed to go down quite well with my class).

During this time I was going to stay with a friend of mine who I had met through . She was living in a town which was about a 30 minute drive from the school I would be working at. The house was lovely and ideal for a young couple starting out. However my friend had obviously not read the section in the tenancy agreement that specified that you were not allowed any pets in the house. In fact they had so many pets could have rivaled London Zoo! And was clear that this abundance of animal mania was taking its toll on my friend as the house was infested with flies which in due course led to the appearance of maggot larvae in the carpets and cupboards and hatching at any moment. There was animal droppings and urine (and they had some pretty big animals …) all over the place and due to this hideous concoction of germs and just general lack of hygiene an awful smell lingered around the house that could be detected several houses down. was all quite evident in my fathers face when he dropped me off at the house. We knew they had animals, but we were definantly not prepared for what was inside the house. My dad kept asking me when my friend was out of the room whether I would be ok or not. I didn’t really have any options without costing my family a huge amount of so just smiled and nodded. Dad being dad knew I was only smiling to make him feel better but there was no getting out of the situation. How do you turn around to someone and say “oh by the way I have had a change of plan, your house is so disgusting that the thought of eating anything in this place makes me worry about getting ring worms”? So Dad said his goodbyes and went out to the car where he drove round the corner, called my mum and broke down into tears. Meanwhile I had to try and look at the positive aspects (believe me was quite hard) but I had to just grin and bare . Afterall, these people had taken me in rent free (even though my parents had given them a hefty cheque to say thank you) and so who was I to throw that all back in their faces? The days went past, the smell didn’t seem to affect me because I was slowly getting used to . I was sleeping on an inflatable matress on the floor of their spare bedroom and I kept telling myself I could get through this for 7 weeks. was only when I had got through two matresses as one of the pets kept getting into the room when I was at work and ripping the lining to shreds within one week and I had to sleep on the floor surrounded by little cacoons of maggots ready to hatch at any moment that I began to feel quite down. I started getting incredibly sick at work, I had rashes appearing all over my body and was just feeling totally depressed. Everyone kept telling me to give up and go home, that wasn’t worth but this was my . I had always wanted to be a teacher and I wasn’t going to give up, was only 7 weeks of my life that would work for the better.

At this stage my tutor was becoming concerned with the way I was physically deteriorating. I was barely able to eat anything at work and was coping with 2 hours sleep a night at the most. My poor was receiving phone calls every evening where I would just end up crying down the phone for hours, begging him to give me some advice or tell me that was all going to be ok. The teacher mentor whose class I was on the placement kindly invited me round her home to have dinner with her and her husband who were both incredibly lovely and she was always there to offer support and advice when I needed . In the end the tutor and my supporting teacher advised me to leave the house and find somewhere else which would be no easy task with no student loan or financial support from the and the remaning £120 of my overdraft left in my bank account. Luckily my parents were incredibly supportive and went looking on the internet for places to rent and hotel accomodation. Unfortunatly at this stage I had only 6 weeks until I finished the placement and no one would accept a lodger for such a short time. Hotels were incredibly expensive and not within easy reach either. However one of the women who worked in the school office knew of someone who could have helped. Her daughter’s friend had a house with two bedrooms and she had recently been made redundant so needed financial help. If she was willing to take in a lodger and my parents were able to pay then I would be able to move. My parents agreed straight away and so I ended up moving in with a person I had never met before in my life. She was incredibly friendly and was really supportive of what I wanted to do and for the first time in what seemed like years I felt I could relax a little.

The placement went from strength to strength after that and I felt so at home in the school. The kids were lovely and respected me as much as any other teacher and I felt like I was part of the team. The six weeks flew by and before I knew the placement was over. I got glowing reports and references from both the school and my tutor and am and always will be grateful for all their help. was incredibly sad saying goodbye to the kids after everything that had happened to get me there and then keep me there. I returned a few months later for the children’s christmas concert and the kids all seemed really happy to see me. I secured myself a position on a temporary contract for 8 months in Hertfordshire so unfortunatly that was the last time I was going to see that class. I still feel quite sad about leaving that school several months later. To me they felt like they were my class, the first class that you teach as part of your career and I felt I was achieving isomething with them and as a result they are now the measure that all my other classes from past, present and future will live up to.

Now I am a year 4 teacher, I have moved into my first official home with my partner and although ’s challenging I am finally doing the things I love. Ok, so not every day is a picnic and not every lesson is some all singing, all dancing extravaganza but ’s learning from your practise, reflecting on your experiences and just enjoying that matters and I wouldn’t want to do any other job in the world right now. Maybe ask me in 20 years if I’m still , I don’t know what the future holds in store for me. All I know is that I have learnt from my experiences as a trainee teacher and now I’m ready for the next chapter in my life.

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Ohhh baby! I passed all three QTS Skills Tests! If you’re taking yours any time soon the Numeracy is really not as bad as is made out to be on the TDA website. I still don’t understand the ease that is the Literacy Skills Test but who cares I passed ! continue reading…

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I love poetry and used to do loads for fun. I didn’t think I was any good at , was just something I liked to do. However at as part of my course we have started to look at using creative English in the classroom and we have been looking at poetry as well as narrative, every day and factual . I decided must be good for people (and me) to get into expressing your ideas or emotions through poetry (in my case this is good as I can stop getting off my chest every time my poor is talking to me on the phone!). So below is my poem from today. The topic was on the harvest and harvest festival in schools, so here is my poem (make of what you will)! continue reading…

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Don’t worry, this is not an invitation for a free romp! During the last few months I’ve become slightly more let’s say “un-lady like” and I have now decided starting from Monday the 3rd of November to become more feminine to recapture the romance of my relationship (not that has really gone, but I’m sure my does not appreciate the suttle smells of cabbage and carrots being belched at him in the early hours!). continue reading…

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To file a legal suit against my boss and chef for environmental health issues and sexual harrasment or not … that is the question! continue reading…

God this whole being home for the summer business really does get on my tits I can tell you! Firstly you get screwed over by your previous employers, then you get a job that pays poo and then you have the general public coming in talking to you like some sort of dog shit they have just scraped off their shoes because you are a waitress. Never mind the fact that I have now nearly completed my degree (how many of them managed to get that far in their lives? Sitting in Wimpy having the same meal every day constitutes in my book as an incredibly dull and pathetically boring lived life! continue reading…

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Well, my second year has drawn to a close and so I returned to normal suburban life in Essex at my parents home expecting everything to be as I had left . ’s funny how things change so quickly in such a short space of time.The job I had returned to and had been guarenteed a place at after signing a contract screwed me over after 3 years of loyal service (admitiddly not continuous due to ) which irritated me and so a frantic search for a new job began. My helped me through supporting me and reassuring me that I will find something but I still felt incredibly down about . continue reading…

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Well I got stuck with 55%. What a totally crap score! I had been waiting for a week for my result back from my tutor of my penultimate school placement for my second year at . I knew I had to get 40% to pass but I had been reassured I was fine. People kept singing my praises telling me how well I had done, how they were so impressed with my ability to actually control the children and earn their respect, to listen to feedback and advice and use constructivley in my approach to and how I had established a good teacher present. I had even felt a lot better about myself this time. I felt in control. I was the teacher and that was my class. Last placement I had felt like I had been hearded like a stray sheep back to its flock by some lasoo brandashing cowboy and I had no clue what I was doing, no urge to teach my way and no understanding of how the classroom functions on a day to day basis.

continue reading…

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Yes my children! The time has come for me to share my new found wisdom and knowledge of … specifically for girls. So enjoy! continue reading…

I hate hormones so much! They like to creep up on you after weeks of not really having any major emotional problems. I have discovered there are several stages to this hormonal lark and I think I’ve got through most of them in one night.

Stage 1 – General Annoyance

You know the feeling; someones eating a packet of crisps with their mouth wide open, someones got their music blaring while you’re trying to listen to your iPod etc. That was exactly what happened on the way to Lincoln today when my parents took me back to my shit hole of a student house for the last 7 weeks of my second year of . The whole way back I was praying that someone would shout at my dad to shut his mouth while he eats.

Stage 2 – Contemplation and reflection of your life

You imagine what you would be like as a mother and then your mind starts to wander off into some la la land that probably won’t ever happen or get anywhere nearly possible to happen. You have got the kids running around in the garden, you and your husband (preferably Adam I hasten to add) are sitting there drinking tea smiling and waving at your blissfully happy kids are running around the flower beds and your pet dog is wagging its tail (I want a cat so I don’t know why I imagined a dog).

Stage 3 – “I miss him!”

You get all upset (more than usual) about the fact that you are over 3 hours away from your (by car … unless you’re Superman and then ’s less). You sit and cry into your newly  hand stitched patchwork quilted blanket given to you as a birthday present by your housemates mother. You already have the world’s WORST cold annd you have made your way through two boxes of tissues but because you are crying like an uncontrollable mess you have started on the toilet roll aswell …. I think not wanting to come back to Lincoln so badly also contributed towards this!

Stage 4 – I want to eat anything and everything

You become so hungry that nothing will crave your hunger. You want Marmite which you got really bad cravings for just 4 weeks ago and now you can’t stand the taste of . You really fancy Chicken Noodle Soup but as soon as you taste you think is possibly the most foulest food ever given to man kind. You really want to go get some chocolate covered donoughts from Tescos but ’s starting to snow outside, you are halfway to catching pnemonia and you already are feeling pretty shite about your weight gain. Not a good idea …

Stage 5 – Slight Happiness

You talk to your on the phone and cheers you up for the 3 minutes you are on the phone. Even though ’s not a deep and meaningful conversation like you would like will do. He tells you he will call you later that night … you cheer up even more and tell him you will be waiting for his call …

Stage 6 – Help! I’m bored!

There’s nothing on the TV, you have nothing to do. You’re parents have left you on your own to fend for yourself, the weather is plain nasty and your friends are all unavailable … hmmm life looks good!

Stage 7 – The Anger kicks in

gets to 9:30pm and your hasn’t called you yet. You don’t want to call him because why should you? He said he would call you and you call him all the time; you don’t want to seem too clingy. Still though you’re fed up that he has forgotten so you text him. Yep. He is in the pub. He has totally forgotten and is oblivious to the fact that you have just spent the last 2 hours staring at the phone because you are desperate for him to ring you and just tell you how much he misses you.

Stage 8 – You’re just fed up with everything

You  hate being where you are, you know where you want to be but you can’t. You don’t have any thing to do or any purpose as to why you are here right now. You are annoyed at yourself for crying in your bedroom at 10:20pm when your housemates gone to bed. You just feel so ill and annoyed that you can’t swallow a Sudafed to try and get better. You’re jealous that your ’s out having a better night than you and you just want to give him a cuddle. And you don’t want to tell him how you have been feeling for the last 22 hours because he will think you are an absolute twat.

So yes … being a girl totally sucks. And now I’m going to sit up till 1 in the morning because I won’t be able to sleep with this cold, I want to talk to Adam and I know tommorow I will still not want to be here.

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